"Middle fingers up, put them hands high
wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye"
It's so interesting when people hurt us, we have this urge to be spiteful and hurt them back. There's something deeply satisfying in wanting to get back at those who wronged us. I caught myself the other day with a strong urge to do something petty. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit this, but I acted on those feelings. I made an Instagram post with some sassy Beyonce lyrics. ( Her song Sorry has been giving me life) After speaking with a close friend who helped me check myself. I deleted the post. The fuel for the petty post was a recent breakup. I can feel some of you reaching for your pitch forks and wanting to rally up. It's super unnecessary, I promise. At this moment I can step back and say: I'm doing okay.
My beautiful, wise friend helped me realize that those feelings of anger and spitefulness were all a defense mechanism. It's so true, we're comfortable with the anger and spite but are afraid to allow ourselves to accept the sadness and sorrow. We're afraid to admit to feeling sad. We also get lost in owning our feelings. Your feelings are valid. All of them. Positive or negative they're genuine, you're allowed to embrace your feelings.
I think friendship breakups are just as or even sometimes more devastating and intimately worse Than breakups with a romantic partner. I think it's because when friendships break off there's no courtesy of an actual break up. We don't sit each other down and say: "Hey, it's not you, it's me" Or "I just don't see us working out" They just tell you that they're busy until you stop asking to hang out which causes you drift apart. Then one day you realize that you aren't friends with them anymore. They aren't obligated to give you an explanation , which in the end doesn't offer closure. Sometimes that hurts even more.
Losing people who you're close with is always going to be difficult. It's easy to feel like you've lost a part of yourself with that former relationship. I try to remind myself that this is an opportunity to learn something. I try to look for clarity in what I value most in friendships and romantic relationships.
