Let's Make This Last Forever

On August 21st, I had the pleasure of Seeing Blink 182 live in concert! It  was the best show I've ever been to. As someone who grew up in the Toronto music scene, that's saying a lot. I've been to countless shows over the past 8 years, yet this one show stole my heart.

I've never waited in a line-up for a concert for a massively long time before. Luckily, my good friend Paulina has! She made extra sure we had the bare necessities for the journey we were about to endure. We, unfortunately, only got around five hours of sleep that night. We stayed up pretty late eating Chinese food and having some amazing conversation.  I don't know how, but we still managed to get up, get ready and arrived at the Molson amphitheatre by 10:30AM.The line for general admission for the pit was only eight people long. We decided to nap in the car for about an hour! The rest of the day consisted of sporadically napping in various places while still managing to hold our spot in line, eating snacks, and meeting some awesome, and very weird people. We encountered a group of proper jerks who thought they could show up 30 minutes before the gates opened and expected to be at the front of the line. Oh hell no!

The line-up for the show was:  (Some DJ who I can't remember their name), All Time Low, A Day To Remember, and Blink 182. This is my teenage wet dream.  I've already seen All Time Low when I was seventeen, therefore I wasn't as excited to see them. Their set went by pretty fast,  They played maybe two or three of their older songs. Unfortnaually it wasn't that memorable. They did have a lot of energy and were still attractive from what I can recall from a number of years ago.

I was a massive fan of A Day To Remeber in high school, so naturally, I was stoked for their set! The friend's we met in line were raving about how fantastic they were live. Our pals were right! They most definitely lived up to the hype. Seeing a screamo band perform is unreal. The energy and the pure loudness of the music awakens any pent up emotion and inspires your body to move. Whether it's a head nod, to full participation in a mosh pit it's difficult to sit (or stand) still during a hardcore band's set. The only thing I didn't like about A Day To Remember's set was at the start they had people throwing beach balls during their first few songs, but as the balls  resurfaced  to the front again the people would aggressively throw them at people's faces who were in the front.  It was super irritating. At one point I got super annoyed I just caught one then held it between my legs. The people behind me were not too impressed but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


As we waited for Blink to come on I began to feel super claustrophobic. The security pulled a huge black curtain over the stage, more and more people kept piling into the pit. I could feel my insides softly yelling "ahhhh!!!" I gave myself a little pep talk, which consisted of saying "we didn't pay money to have a panic attack!"I figured it would be a good distraction to chat with my pals. I asked if they were excited. We basically agreed that it didn't hit us yet, that we were seeing Blink-182! For Paulina and I we were at the twelve-hour mark. When the lights went out, and the curtain dropped exposing Blink as they began to play the song "Feeling This", (which is one of my favourite songs) Then the excitement and pure shock hit be like a ton of bricks. Their performance was incredible. Matt Skiba did such a fantastic job!! If you don't know, Matt replaced Tom DeLonge back in 2015! (Tom DeLonge was in Blink since 1992) The only thing I didn't like about the performance was the firework, explosive things. I startle very easily as it is, so being that close to something so huge and loud....it aged me about 20 years!

It's been nearly two weeks since the concert and I'm still just as happy as the night I got home.

Here's some photo's and videos of All Time Low, A Day To Remember, and Blink-182! Some are mine and my good friend Paulina's! Enjoy! :)

Broken Hearts, Betrayed Friendships & Beyonce Lyrics

"Middle fingers up, put them hands high

wave it in his face, tell him, boy, bye" 

It's so interesting when people hurt us, we have this urge to be spiteful and hurt them back. There's something deeply satisfying in wanting to get back at those who wronged us. I caught myself the other day with a strong urge to do something petty. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit this, but I acted on those feelings. I made an Instagram post with some sassy Beyonce lyrics. ( Her song Sorry has been giving me life) After speaking with a close friend who helped me check myself. I deleted the post. The fuel for the petty post was a recent breakup. I can feel some of you reaching for your pitch forks and wanting to rally up. It's super unnecessary, I promise. At this moment I can step back and say: I'm doing okay.

My beautiful, wise friend helped me realize that those feelings of anger and spitefulness were all a defense mechanism. It's so true, we're comfortable with the anger and spite but are afraid to allow ourselves to accept the sadness and sorrow. We're afraid to admit to feeling sad. We also get lost in owning our feelings. Your feelings are valid. All of them. Positive or negative they're genuine, you're allowed to embrace your feelings.

I think friendship breakups are just as or even sometimes more devastating and intimately worse Than breakups with a romantic partner.  I think it's because when friendships break off there's no courtesy of an actual break up. We don't sit each other down and say: "Hey, it's not you, it's me"  Or "I just don't see us working out"  They just tell you that they're busy until you stop asking to hang out which causes you drift apart. Then one day you realize that you aren't friends with them anymore. They aren't obligated to give you an explanation , which in the end doesn't offer closure.  Sometimes that hurts even more.

Losing people who you're close with is always going to be difficult. It's easy to feel like you've lost a part of yourself with that former relationship. I try to remind myself that this is an opportunity to learn something. I try to look for clarity in what I value most in friendships and romantic relationships.

"Nine times out of ten, I'm in my feelings 

But ten times out of nine, I'm only human"

Lifestyle | My body, My Confidence.

My journey of self-acceptance has been an extremely long yet bountiful experience, filled with many ups and downs. For the majority of my life, I hated my body. I remember in kindergarten a fellow student who consistently made fun of my weight. The Principal's solution was to tell all my little friends to literally form a circle around, while holding each other's hands.... and little Maddie was dead center. I can laugh about it now, but in the moment, it was overwhelming and embarrassing.  In my pre-teen years, I spent countless moments "sucking in" my little belly whenever I passed by my older brother's cute friends, afraid they'd notice my pudgy body. Ridiculous, I know! Fast forward to high school, where playground bullying advanced to straight up torture. I got bigger and the harassment did too. Around when I was seventeen I discovered Tumblr, and the awesome body positive movement. It was an incredible eye opening experience. I saw people with my body shape wearing cute clothes and living happy lives. Did I mention how extraordinary it was?! I quickly evolved into a very loud mouth, outspoken nineteen-year-old who told the dudes who street harassed me to eff off. 

         Two years ago I was faced with some challenges which caused my confidence to decline. I had a few distinct events which fucked me up for a while. In the summer, I had an experience where I had french fries thrown at me from a moving vehicle whilst they yelled out  “have some fries u fat fuck!!” My friends were more shocked and angry than I was. I ended up making a Facebook status taking the piss out of the whole ordeal. I brushed off that event and moved on with my life. Later that same summer I went on a date with a guy who was straight up, a garbage chubby chaser. He ended up sexually assaulting me on our date and calling me crude names that were geared around my weight.  This was a massive trigger to me, and it left me feeling that I deserved these awful, dehumanizing experiences. It took me a long time to re-teach myself self-acceptance

This morning I woke up at 5:40 am, For no serious reason. I watched the sunrise from my bathroom. I forgot how beautiful and peaceful the world is at the crack of dawn. In my bathroom, the small window is parallel to my almost full body mirror. I started to reflect on my journey of self-acceptance. I was taken back by the parts I used to be super insecure about. My breasts, my back, my belly, my double chin (just to name a few.) Now when I see them I'm not filled with thoughts wishing to change them. I don't divide my body into the parts anymore. The parts I found acceptable, and the parts I wish mirrored an "ideal" image that I've made up. I'm at peace with my body, and I see the beauty in all aspects of my body.

 It took a really long time to get to this point. Of course, I still have my " off days." But I try to remind myself to choose love and acceptance. People often compliment me on how confident I am. It always takes me back, I'm humbled to receive such a fantastic compliment but sometimes how people word it makes it seem that confidence is this rare object that only I have. I know this isn't their intention, but when they put it on a pedicle that's unreachable to them and it makes me sad! I tell them "If I can do it, you can!" Self-acceptance is a journey that ANYONE can go on. I ask you this question that my friends and I often ask each other: What's one thing you love about your physical appearance and what's one thing you love about your personality? 

Beauty | (Smokey) Spring Look!

Let's talk about mental health.

Today is the annual Bell Let's Talk day. This is a campaign created to end the stigma surrounding mental health issues across Canada.  I've been inspired by the prime minister, Justin Trudeau speaking about his personal experiences surrounding mental health. Hearing the Prime Minister talk about his own experiences, inspired me to write about mine!  The interview started off with the question asking how we can create a conversation about mental health to young kids. Justin Trudeau talked about the importance of eliminating the barrier between mental and physical health. As the conversation started to gained momentum, I found myself getting really emotional( I found myself choking back tears ) I was so happy to see such a positive discussion being created on such a highly public platform. 

I spent a huge portion of my life avoiding talking about anything to do with mental health. It wasn't until I was eighteen and approached my family doctor, and said: "I'm okay with dying." That conversation led me to be referred to a therapist, Which led to my diagnosis of depression and anxiety. It was nice to finally put a name to these strangers that have been present in my life ever since I was a child. My doctor wanted to medicate me with pills I couldn't pronounce, but my therapist wanted to see how individual sessions with her would turn out. I didn't care, I just didn't want to feel this deal with these problems anymore.

What I learned that year  through my own struggles and journey, is that I cannot get rid of my mental illnesses. I needed to accept the fact that they are a part of me, and make me who I am. Accepting my depression and anxiety was extremely difficult to do. At first I was in a state of constant questioning. "why did I have to have this instead of being normal". Turns out, this state of "normal" that we all strive for is just an illusion. What's normal for a spider is chaos for a fly.

I've dedicated the past four years of my life to accepting my mental illnesses and my past. I learned they are all are key factors that have shaped me into the person I am today. Although it's been truly difficult at times, I am grateful for my struggles. They have given me the strength and the knowledge to move forward with my life. I hope one day I can make a possible career working with others in need and help them, as this is my passion. Until then , I will express my support for this and other issues through blog posts . I hope they bring a smile to your face! :)